Matching Game

Flashback to...14 January 2010

It’s so interesting how we seek out and are excited by similarities between ourselves and others.  It’s all about matching interests, ideas, and goals.  Why not some variety?  Why can’t differences be exciting?  They’re more challenging and engaging. 

Even though, I look for the similarities as well, I tend to prefer a companion who is different from me, yet similar to the way that I want to be.  But then, I seem to be searching for someone to guide my life and complete me.  Perhaps, once I know what I want and am willing to compromise on, the search for similarities will be a more well-defined, useful tool.

 

However, even when individuals do have obvious similarities, there are still an infinite number of differences between them.  These similarities may not be terribly crucial, so that over time, the differences could negate the similarities, and ultimately, create a less desirable match.

International Cell Phones

For my past two internship trips, I have relied on pay phones and the generosity of employees at various business establishments, in order to stay connected with my current employer, while in transit.  This method has worked well enough; however, in considering the extent of travel that I will be undertaking in the near future, I decided that purchasing a cell phone would be a better, safer, and more convenient option. 

Unfortunately, it took me a few days to sort through the overwhelming amount of information online and the abundance of available products from which to choose.  Afterwards, I only felt slightly more confident in my choice than I did when I first started looking because I won’t know how well my chosen phone and service work until I am actually overseas.  It makes me nervous that I won’t be able to do much about a dysfunctional cell phone in the midst of my travels.  I’ll let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, this is what I’ve learned that actually helped me to arrive at a decision.

If you already have a cell phone that you use in the U.S., you might be able to use it in foreign countries as well.  However, you should check with your cell phone provider to determine if this is actually possible before you hop on that plane.  Also, there are two important factors that you need to keep in mind, when considering this option.  Firstly, just like our system of measurements, our cell phone frequency is different from that of the rest of the world, so a cell phone from a U.S. provider might be overloaded by this change.  Secondly, your phone must be “unlocked”, or capable of being opened, in order to switch out your SIM card with one that accommodates the region of the globe, to which you will be traveling.  You also might want to find out what extra charges and fees you will incur by using your cell phone outside of your service area.

For international cell phones, the two internet resources that I found most useful were the Better Business Bureau, which offers unbiased analysis and reviews of companies, and the International Cell Phone Guide, which provides a comparison of the main service providers and demonstrates how to choose the features that best fit your travel needs.  These websites were truly invaluable, as I don’t trust the sincerity of the testimonials that companies have posted from “customers” on their own websites.  These reviews are typically overly positive, and seem to lack unbiased opinions.  Instead, I did a Google search for customer reviews on specific service providers, which led me to the above-mentioned websites, as well as travel advice sites, such as Frommer’s and Trip Advisor, which I felt to be more insightful information from the experiences of real, objective customers.  However, no company is ever going to be perfect and it becomes difficult to determine which one is worth the risk.

The International Cell Phone Guide really breaks things down and explains what it calls the “five areas of differences” that will aid you in identifying the best fit.  These include rental or purchase, local or global SIM card, pre-pay or post-pay billing, call-back or direct-dial service, and SIM card only or SIM card and handset.  Each section has its own chart to compare differences, and there is also a chart and web diagram with the overall comparisons, which are visual tools that I found far more useful than all of the other written information that I had previously located. 

The only factor that this guide doesn’t delve into much is price, so you’ll have to do this on your own.  For example, a cell phone and SIM card package deal may be slightly cheaper from one provider to another for a similar coverage area, but its calling rates might be higher.  Oftentimes, this is justified by a provider’s ability to offer better quality and more reliable service to its customers compared to its competitors, but again, we don’t really know for sure until we have experienced it for ourselves, or at least are acquainted with someone who has used that provider.  Another pricing issue to watch for is whether or not you need to pay to keep your cell phone number and service active, when you’re not traveling, so be careful to read between the lines when you are seriously considering a specific provider.

I hope that this information will prove to be useful and, perhaps, make your travel planning slightly less stressful!

The Beauty of Love

Love is a beautiful thing.  It’s inspiring to see the way that people treat each other, respond to each other.  To witness what they do for each other, the hardships and struggles that they endure, so that their love may continue to burn fiercely, or to simply brighten the other’s day, when they’re feeling down.  Love is not selfish, greedy, or impatient.  Acts of love strengthen the bonds between individuals, while demonstrating devotion.  True love is capable of persevering through any challenge, any obstacle, while still undergoing growth and change.  Yet, oftentimes relationships change in ways such that love takes on a new meaning and is expressed in different ways.  But then, was it really true love to begin with?  I thought that it was something solid, impenetrable, meant to last.

There are days when I miss being in love.  I love the beauty, excitement, and happiness that love brings into my life.  It feels as if my life has new meaning; a new passion has been incited.  I begin to see things in another light, appreciating he simple things in life just a little bit more.  That simplicity holds new meaning, as I experience it in different ways through the eyes of another.

Yet, love is a delicate balancing act between the self and the other, as both should receive equal priority.  Or perhaps, the self should remain a higher priority, since you are ultimately the one individual, who you can rely on to get you through life.  Only once you are able to truly love and accept yourself can you truly love and accept another and create a life together, while still being true to yourself. 

I feel that I have become wiser over the years, and ideally, more attuned to the ways of love, but such is an outsider’s perspective.  However, there are things that I must first do for myself.  I have much left to learn about myself, do for myself, and let go of for myself.  I am still in the process of self-discovery, and therefore, have yet to achieve total self-acceptance.  It would be dishonest of me to try to accept another when I have not yet fully accepted myself.  My love would be fleeting and restless, just as I am in life; bouncing around, desperately searching for my life’s passion, my calling.  I don’t want to be desperate in love, as it would end up left by the way side along with all of my other unfinished or unfulfilling self-pursuits.

But, oh, that beauty, that radiance, that warmth, that love.  It’s something that I look forward to, when I may deem myself ready and worthy.

Rethinking Worthiness of Love

Dear Friend,

As of late, you have frequently come to mind, as I remember the happy moments and the things that I loved about you, and recognize the weaknesses of our relationship, allowing me to better understand why it was not meant to be.  I also keep coming back to the question of how much I am contradicting my beliefs on love by revoking my love and support for you, as you follow your heart and do what makes you happy.  For a time, it was understandable.  I needed to take several steps back, reflect, let go, and take care of myself, which I initially could not seem to do while still being a part of your life. 

However, this question became even more poignant yesterday.  First, I faced a birthday party invitation from an estranged relative, who no one in the family, except her own children, on occasion, has spoken to in about fifteen years.  I was still young then, and wasn’t hugely involved with or affected by this separation, and yet, I held a grudge against her simply because others did, following their experiences with her.  Within the past year, she seems to be trying to make an effort to reach out through holiday and birthday cards, which she hasn’t sent in all these years.  I wonder if she is turning over a new leaf and wanting to reconnect with family, having learned a lesson that life is lonely without these loving relationships.  I find myself pitying her situation, or at least what I perceive it to be.  I want to open myself up to her and give her a chance.

Later that day, I was reading an article, which addressed how we often hold our own ideas and beliefs in such high regards that we tend to look down upon and severely judge those who have dissimilar views or are struggling with something that we label as inherently bad.  The article was primarily directed at the pretentiousness that religion can incite, so that such religious and spiritual individuals are only capable of acting with kindness and love towards people like them.  But this can be found anywhere and in anyone, which the article pointed out later on.  It’s not fair to deem someone unworthy of love, simply because one does not understand or condone what another does. 

This all relates to you because I feel that I have been selfish by ignoring you and blocking you out of my life, and feeling bitter over the turn of events.  Yet, this doesn't benefit anyone.  This negativity does not help me to come to any sort of resolution, it does not make me feel like a good person for abandoning you, when I’m sure that you still struggle, as we all do, and it frustrates me that I seem to be unable to stand by my mantra of being happy with whatever makes you happy.  Now, I am giving others a second chance by letting go of my grudges, and I don’t believe that this should exclude you.

I am still uncertain of my strength and courage, being put to the test of this new, potential dynamic between us, but I need to start somewhere. 

Broadening Horizons

Dear Friend,

I wouldn't say that any single culture is solely responsible for harboring individuals, who are full of themselves and narrow-minded. There are lots of people like that out in the world and, perhaps, we notice it more in the cultural group, to which we belong. This is also partly why I typically don't hold Americans in very high regards, since there seems to be a prescribed way to do things, to feel, to behave, and anything different is wrong within this society. Although, maybe this is a stereotype that I've formed based on my limited life experiences and the media's portrayal of American culture, or at least, how they think it should be.

Then, perhaps, I am just as narrow-minded as those, who I am condemning, as I refuse to be open to their beliefs and ideas about the way things should be because there isn't just one way.  I try to stop and think about these things when I find myself being overly judgmental.  I find that, usually, when I am judging something or someone most intensely, it is because I have a similar flaw within myself, upon which I need to improve.  I still struggle with this though, as we humans have this strong desire to define and classify what is right and wrong; valiantly upholding the right and harshly condemning the wrong, not allowing room for a middle ground.

Yet, I do believe that there is truth to the idea that traveling broadens one's horizons and opens one's mind to alternative ways of thinking and living.  We are allowing ourselves to grow and learn.  Whether we know it or not, we are changing during this travel time, so that we are no longer the same individuals upon our return home, where, generally, all remains the same.  However, in any kind of relationship, the parties involved need to grow together, in order for it to continue to work, otherwise it becomes stagnant and unhealthy.  The latter is often how I feel when I return home, as if I need to fit myself back into the Ann mold that exists here in this environment.  But it doesn't work very well and I end up finding myself miserable and unmotivated.  I'm not living for the same things as I was when I was off in the world and I find it difficult to change my outlook, change my environment.  Perhaps, one day, I will come to appreciate home for what it is and not what I expect it to be.

Maybe in our little community in British Columbia, we all shared that traveling mentality, which allowed us to be more open, accepting, and inviting.  I do think that the small, personal communities of individuals make a difference in feeling a sense of unity and belonging.  Our commonalities, as well as our differences, bring us together.  Not to mention, in an environment where we are confronted with the same individuals on a day-to-day basis in work and home life, we have the opportunity to become closer and more connected.  This is one of the things that I really love about internships, developing a close-knit community.  Unfortunately, outside of that environment, life tends to take its toll and distance can overcome these connections, since one is no longer able to interact with those individuals in the same way.  Also, as we get older, life gets in the way, and we tend to focus only on ourselves and individuals in our immediate surroundings.

It's not ridiculous to feel the way that you do or to have experienced so much love from an unfamiliar group of individuals.  Anything is possible.  I do remember in one of our first conversations when you said that you didn't trust people very readily and generally had your guard up.  I'm so happy that we all helped to restore a bit of your faith in humanity and recognize that there are trustworthy people, who are also capable of much love, caring, and support.  I hope that you continue to find this in life.

How Different Life Could Be

It is interesting to think that if I had made a slightly different decision from miniscule to major life choice, then I would not be where I am today; I would not be who I am.  It is also rather sad and a bit scary that my life would not be as it is, since, overall, I am happy with the direction, in which I am going, whether I know where it may lead or not.  To think that I may have never met the people who I know or have befriended, that there would be things I never learned, places to which I never traveled!  These factors have all created my experiences and lessons in life and shaped it into what it is in the present.  There are certainly aspects of myself that I would improve upon, but that is one’s life work.  And of course, in hindsight, some things may have had a better alternative approach, but again, the slightest difference would drastically change the whole of my life.  So I really cannot regret what I have done.  I can only recognize my errors and heighten my awareness of them, so that I may prevent them from reoccurring again, when I notice similar signs arising.  I can learn to appreciate what I have learned from my experiences, even the most uncomfortable situations, which becomes easier with the passage of time.  Yet, some take longer to find the good in or to let go of than others.