Lost Love

My love has left me and I cannot help but feel that there was something that I could have done to prevent it.  I could have done something differently, although I do not know what that something could have been.  I offered love, support, freedom, everything that one might want, but even this was not enough.  His love just petered out, as far as I can tell from what he says and what I struggle to believe.  I find myself torn between wanting him to be happy and having happiness for myself, as we are no longer united in a way for these to be analogous desires.  I find myself resenting him and then reprimanding myself for being so contradictory.  It is through these challenging times that I need to stand by my philosophies the most.  I need to let go.  Perhaps it was just not our time, or our time was just limited to this past year, when we needed each other in our lives the most.  I do not expect him to enter back into my life, as finished relationships never seem to work out this way, at least not for me.  There usually develops too much awkwardness and remains too much lingering emotion, longing.  Friendships with former lovers generally tend to not be sustainable, which I have always found to be unfortunate, but it is what it is. 

The positive point that I am trying to focus on and take away from all of this is that I now have even greater freedom.  I can seek out job/internship/volunteer opportunities the world over without the thought at the back of my mind about how a relationship will be affected and if I will still be able to maintain contact from wherever I end up.  Even though, I had greater access to electronic communication this time, it did not matter.  Though, it is a two way street, I suppose.  Uggh!  I am supposed to be focusing on the positive!  I can go anywhere I want, do anything I want, enjoy my life, my travels.  This is what I needed to do over a year ago, but I got a bit distracted.  Fortunately, not distracted enough to completely overlook myself, as I have done in the past.