“The ones we love, we hurt the most.”
-Anonymous?? (Please tell me if you know who coined it!)
This is a thought-provoking quote. Although the explosive verbal abuse of my boss can be hurtful, insulting, and downright mean in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, she has little effect on me, and her opinions and actions matter little, since I have zero emotional (or any other kind of) attachment to her. On the other hand, if my mother berated me so, I would not even be at this internship because I would either lack the self-confidence to even set foot outside my front door with my head held high or be locked away in a psychiatric institution. Words and actions can certainly sting, but the one who says or does these things determines the degree of impact.
This train of thought, of course, brought me back to my ex and my knee jerk reaction to the circumstances post-break-up. In the moment, I felt that my words and actions were justified, that I had sufficient time to consider my course of action, after having been sitting idly by and contemplating this for months. Yet, now, being far enough removed (I hope) from that time of my life, I believe that I was too harsh, too judgmental, too demanding. I was seeking justice for myself and neglected to consider his side of things, his circumstances. I find myself full of regret for treating him so, in spite of my mantra to live without. I doubt that he could ever find it in his heart to forgive me, and I would not blame him.
I think people are willing to forgive more than you may realize. I admire that you pondered this through introspection...we could all do more of that.
ReplyDeleteWhen I find myself judging the flaws of another too harshly, I will try to step back and figure out why. The answer is often that I am struggling with similar flaws, so I should be more focused on correcting my own behaviors than berating someone else.
ReplyDeleteUsually this works, but not so much when I'm driven by emotions. Then, there's no room for logic, which puts me on some dangerously, shaky ground and ends in disaster, as this post describes.
Introspection certainly is a useful tool. We just need to stop comparing ourselves to and judging others, and just focus on self-improvement!