Waiting for Me

So much of life is spent waiting; waiting in line, waiting for the date of a big event to come about, waiting to save up enough money for that vacation to Europe, waiting for oneself.  I often find that I am waiting for myself to be ready to do something.  Perhaps, waiting for the most opportune moment, when it feels just right, waiting for inspiration to hit me, and maybe knock me over to make the point even clearer.  I want to be in the right frame of mind, to feel capable enough in what I set out to do, so that I can be certain that it is my best quality work.  Or I am waiting to realize what the best course of action is to take, anticipating an obvious moment of enlightenment.  I may be waiting for things that will never happen, which provides me with an excuse to avoid taking control of my life.  Instead, I let myself slide, take the easy way out, and push things back another day.  There is no use in forcing an issue, as it may work out on its own in time, especially with less worry and pressure, right?.  And that is why I let myself get away with so much because I figure it will come back to me when I am ready, whatever that means.  Yet, I am unsure how to gauge my own readiness. 

This internship is only a blip in my life.  I have the rest of my life to travel, explore, discover my dreams, and achieve my goals, whatever they may be.  I’m already beyond the age requirements for many internships, so a few more years gone by will not pose anymore of a limitation.  I just need to get used to the fact that I will always be the oldest in the group, by a long shot, eventually.  My focus now is the job at hand.  I’m here, I’m not going anywhere else, so I should put all of my effort into this position.  Stop thinking about where I could be, what I’ll do next.  There will be a time for that, but it is not now, especially since I am currently so susceptible to pessimistic thinking regarding my predicament.  In addition to this, I need to renew my efforts at positive thinking and taking care of myself.  I need to be good to myself.  Currently, the way I am going about life is not healthy, as I hide away, hold myself back, and take the easy way out.  Tomorrow will be different.  Tomorrow I will get back to me.