Struggling to Find Motivation

I have the urge to write, but no inspiration from which to draw.  I feel like an utterly useless medium, unable to grasp and transcribe the ideas and thoughts floating about in my head, and transform them into a provoking literary piece.  I felt this urge come on much stronger earlier today, but I opted to wait until I returned “home”, and so, left that desire, that creativity trailing behind me along the drying pavement on my return journey.  Perhaps, arriving at my destination drained whatever inkling I had left to write.  That’s not at all fair though, as I constantly struggle to settle down and just write, feeling as if it must be good on the first draft. 

I find it overwhelming, trying to return to my story, attempting to determine the direction, and how it should evolve and develop.  I am uncertain how to incorporate other literary sources of my own creation, even though I have successfully done this with others’ works on many a research paper.  And I am frustrated with the seeming lack of progress, as there are no definable goals, except the final product, a finished narrative.  It appears much more daunting and I am uncertain how to approach it.  I don’t even know how it will end.

I can never seem to quiet my mind.  There’s always something floating about; the to-do list for the day, the task that I forgot to complete, the error that I made, my feelings in the moment planning out my future course, my fears.  They all demand attention pushing each other around, creating chaos in my head.  I even find myself unable to retain a list of work tasks in the short-term, specific protocols and expectations.  I don’t know why this happens or where they go.  I feel so incompetent, air-headed.  Poof, it’s gone.  Without a care, without any assurance of return.