Self-fulfillment and a New Seal

Since my determination a few days ago to focus on and enjoy the present, I have noticed a significant change in my attitude and I have begun to really appreciate my time here and the island itself.  This shift has also coincided with work days becoming fuller, so that I often do not feel like I have completed all that I had wanted to accomplish by the end of my shift.  I started to wonder if actively being a part of a project or work and keeping busy with it legitimately fulfills me or if that activity simply keeps my mind from drifting back to the unhappiness that I seemed to feel only a few days ago.  Even if I am legitimately fulfilled, shouldn't I also be able to feel this way while working on my own projects?  Do these not actually satisfy me or am I approaching them with a rotten frame of mind, believing that they are not nearly as important as the other work that I could be doing, namely work for others? 

I keep returning to this struggle, finding meaning and satisfaction in doing things for others and not always putting myself higher on my priority list.  I do not think that this can all be attributed to cultural morals and the push to not be selfish, but also because I find it easier to help other people.  They can tell you what they want, what they need.  Yet for oneself, one must listen from within, which I feel is far more challenging and quite daunting.  What am I listening for?  What do I sound like?  What is it that I truly want, as I am constantly growing and changing?

I became aware of this tendency to ignore or belittle my own goals and desires over three years ago, and I believe that such an awareness keeps me honest, making it easier to recognize when I am falling back into that old habit.  Ideally, as I continue to encounter it throughout my life, the period of time between regression and realization will become shorter.  Until, at some point, it will only be a flicker of a thought, a faded memory, as I will have learned to cope and live with this flaw.

The first seal came today!  Everyone had started to wonder when the first one would show up and a bet had even been started in anticipation of the event, as they typically begin to arrive at the end of May.  He is a healthy weight for a premature baby at about twenty-one pounds.  Apparently, he had been swimming near the coast all night and was not able to be rescued until this morning.  Now, he lies in his own personal bathtub rapidly dozing off, but suddenly jerking his head up, as if trying to fight off the inevitable sleep.