Empty Space

Flashback to...29 January 2010

There’s too much space for one person.  The barrenness of the apartment is intimidating and overwhelming.  I organized my room today, so it feels a bit homier and cozier.  But once I step through the doorway, I am surrounded by nothingness.  The apartment looks like it did last year, when the remodeling work was being done, before my ex, his other girlfriend, and I moved in.  Now again, it doesn’t look like anyone lives here.  Blank walls, hollow sounds, dirty floors, and random items piled up in corners and scattered about. 

The life of this space is gone.  It wasn’t meant for me alone.  It was only last year that the three of us living together in this apartment, our apartment, not just theirs, was an exciting, new prospect.  It’s now only a memory dismissed, buried, and forgotten.  So, just as I was eager, then, to have a space that was uniquely ours and not theirs, I am now waiting for a space of my own.  I am just waiting, stationary, stuck.  They have moved on as I remain in the past.  This place represents the past, and yet, remains my present, but it will not my future.