Seeking the Positive

Recently, I have run into an old foe of mine: myself.  The side of me that is unhappy with myself and my life.  The side that demands new and exciting adventures, instead of being able to find satisfaction in the present moment and appreciate the good that exists in my life.  It is overwhelming when submersed in negativity, unable to retreat from my own self-defeating thoughts.  When I am stuck in this moment, it is difficult to remember that I do not always feel this way; that I have successfully broken free from the chains that hold me down and restrict my life before.  It seems so long ago, but it has really only been two or three years at the most, since I became tired of crying and living in fear, which really was not living.  But how did I free myself before?  I had support, encouragement, advice, and love, yet ultimately, I needed to be ready to change, so that I would accept it.  I had to help myself. 

I know what I must do; how I can return to happiness, fulfillment, and a positive attitude.  Yet, all I seem to be ready to do is the complete opposite by being hard on myself, not permitting enjoyment, and denying myself love.  I feel alone in this, yet I am really the only person, who I can rely on, for I cannot expect anyone to pause their life just to hold my hand and guide me back to mine.  It does not work that way, and I would not learn or gain much from such an experience.

I share this not to bring you down, as we all bear our share of burdens and battles, nor to garner your sympathy.  I share this with you simply because this is my life at present.  For life often does not happen as one would like, but it can be helpful to share those struggles with others, as even an attentive ear may help one to let go of some negativity, and in turn, boost spirits.  So I thank you for lending me your ear and I hope that someday I may repay your kindness by supporting you through a difficult point in your life.  I wish you the best in your life and I hope that you find happiness and fulfillment within yourself and in this world. Take care.