There are many things that I would like to write about, yet I find myself either too tired or overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness to contemplate and focus. Typically, I look forward to my days off, as time to get away, relax, and take a break from work. Yet, over the past few weeks, I have found myself more quickly becoming aware of how alone I am in the moment, in spite of knowing at the back of my mind that I am surrounded by friends and am loved by those at a distance from me. Realistically, I am never truly alone; it’s just a matter of perception. And perhaps, only now is the shock wearing off and the reality of having no lover to return to is really sinking in. It may be for the best that I am staying here longer, so that I may have more time to adjust, while being amidst a blossoming community.
Over the past few weeks, a greater sense of comradery has been developing among the interns. There is more support, generosity, responsibility, caring, and concern. Unfortunately, there is little time left for this community to grow further. We have not quite broken the surface. It’s been more about having fun and not feeling alone in this relatively new, often stressful and unusual environment. I want to open up more, but I’m not sure how or what I may share. I also don’t fancy being the center of attention for any length of time, which is the obstacle that I ran into last night when I had an urge to share my poetry. I lost the courage to put myself out there. Perhaps, the moment was just not right either, as there was a focus on work.
Today, I felt the need to be by the water, so here I sit on Fernwood dock. It sounded as if something was swimming about breathing forcefully beneath me, though I couldn’t see through the cracks of the dock or imagine what could possibly be in the water below. There are six sturdy posts rooted in the turf and extending up through the dock to prevent it from shifting too violently. I sat next to the opening among these posts and less than a meter away from me, the little face of an otter popped up above the water’s surface. He stared at me and extended his neck, sniffing the air, perhaps trying to get a sense of who I was and my purpose here. I smiled and greeted him, but he soon descended back into the watery depths.
Over the past few weeks, a greater sense of comradery has been developing among the interns. There is more support, generosity, responsibility, caring, and concern. Unfortunately, there is little time left for this community to grow further. We have not quite broken the surface. It’s been more about having fun and not feeling alone in this relatively new, often stressful and unusual environment. I want to open up more, but I’m not sure how or what I may share. I also don’t fancy being the center of attention for any length of time, which is the obstacle that I ran into last night when I had an urge to share my poetry. I lost the courage to put myself out there. Perhaps, the moment was just not right either, as there was a focus on work.
Today, I felt the need to be by the water, so here I sit on Fernwood dock. It sounded as if something was swimming about breathing forcefully beneath me, though I couldn’t see through the cracks of the dock or imagine what could possibly be in the water below. There are six sturdy posts rooted in the turf and extending up through the dock to prevent it from shifting too violently. I sat next to the opening among these posts and less than a meter away from me, the little face of an otter popped up above the water’s surface. He stared at me and extended his neck, sniffing the air, perhaps trying to get a sense of who I was and my purpose here. I smiled and greeted him, but he soon descended back into the watery depths.
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